The marriage relationship is a very delicate one. It is one that needs nurturing much like every other area of our lives especially if we want it to thrive. Things that often get in the way or take our focus off the marriage are as simple as raising children, or being more concerned with our professional life, traveling, time away from our spouse instead of time with them. When couples don’t put the effort into the marriage then it starts to suffer. So what am I talking about when I say “no effort is going into the marriage”? I am talking about you as a married couple are not giving you as a couple in love the time and attention you both need in order to feel the loving bond you as a married couple should feel. Intimacy is one way that we connect directly with each others most inner needs. Spending time together and making it a priority tells us that we are passionate about our marriage, the love we have for each other and how committed we are to the vows we made in the presence of God.
So knowledge is powerful when it comes to ways of preventing our relationship from getting off course.
Three areas we want to give close attention:
- Our intimacy: How intimate are you as a couple?
- Our foundation: How committed are you to the vows you made before God.
- Our friendship: Would you say you have a friendship with your spouse?
Our intimacy? Because you as a couple need to be able to express to each other the love you have in your hearts for each other. Intimacy doesn’t always need to be sexual contact but showing outward affection to one another where you both feel loved is extremely important. Being respectful verbally and considerate to one another all help to play apart of showing the love you have for one another. The expression “actions speak louder than words” is very true in this case.
Our foundation? When our intimacy is in question or the lack there of, it often comes down to how solid is the foundation of your relationship. If it is a Christian marriage with Christian values then I would think it to be strong. That is why putting God at the center of your marriage is so important and when we have a solid foundation it is less likely that if your intimacy is lacking that the entire marriage relationship will come into question. Yes, it will need help getting back on track but it will not mean that the “D” word need to ever be brought up.
If a husband or wife is not feeling loved because no effort is going into the relationship where love should be expressed, one could misinterpret it as meaning the love is gone. This can be harmful to the marriage relationship and threaten the marriage, when no interest is being shown toward your spouse it maybe sending them the very wrong message. So be mindful of what is happening in your marriage. This brings me to the friendship part of the marriage.
Our friendship? If you were friends before you were married then that will show an established set of reasons why you may have decided to marry in the first place. Maybe you were friends because there was a trust that you had for each other along with a mutual respect where love grew. Whatever the case may be as a married couple especially a Christian married couple having a close friendship as husband and wife is a wonderful blessing all it’s own. An established friendship with your spouse is important because you are life long partners and a friendship shows you value each other on many different levels. You have a genuine concern for one another outside the ties of marriage, there is a bond and a trust that is long established when there is a friendship. For couples that don’t feel they have a friendship I would say work on it. The closer you get to each other the stronger your bond is as husband and wife will be.
So there you have it the three areas to pay close attention too. If you think your marriage is suffering from the lack of nurturing I recommend getting things back on track with the simple suggestions from blog one and blog two. If you have any additional questions or concerns you can email me at dr.donna@oceanlifechristiancounseling.com
I hope you will join me for my next blog where I offer some simple suggestions on “making sure your good times as a loving married couple, out way the bad times.”