Hello and thanks for joining me again!
In today’s article I discuss the importance of trust when choosing to marry. I don’t think it’s necessary to express how detrimental trust is to your marriage relationship. Trust is obviously vital, as anyone that’s been married will tell you. The intention of this article is to help you evaluate your current levels of trust, look at some factors you should consider prior to marriage, and to give you some insight into determining if you’re both ready for marriage.
Your mutual levels of trust will affect you and your potential spouse now and in the future. Trust is of critical importance to any relationship, especially with the person that you spend our entire life with.
We all have times that we question things about our significant other. And that’s ok. It’s natural, and perhaps even necessary for us to occasionally exercise introspection: evaluating our own feelings about our signifiant other. You shouldn’t feel bad for thinking about these things. There’s nothing bad about evaluating your feelings. The challenge is, to which degree does questioning our feelings mean that there may be a deeper lack of trust? And how do you know if feelings of distrust could severely impact you relationship in the future?
Some questions to ask yourself:
- Do you find yourself being suspicious of your partners words or actions?
- Do you you find yourself investigating your partners behaviors when you’re not together?
- Do you feel insecure when you are not with your partner?
- Do you share a sense of transparency together?
- Do you find yourself being tempted to search your partner’s phone, receipts or computer?
- Is your partner fair with you (patience, loving, listening) when you express your discomforts?
- Does your partner claim that you’re paranoid or crazy when you ask normal questions?
- Are you able to have conversations with your partner about your insecurities, without feeling bad in some way?
The importance of being honest with yourself
It’s important to be honest when you ask yourself the questions listed above. This is your happiness. This is your life and you must protect your sense of happiness. And doing that involves carefully evaluating your feelings and not dismissing your feelings. Being honest with yourself is the best way to prevent potential problems. In fact, these are questions that everyone must ask themselves prior to marriage, because they will help to prevent potential problems down the road. By being honest with yourself, you’re doing a very good thing for you and your future spouse.
If you were able to answer the questions above in a positive light, with having a sense of distrust for your future spouse, then you’re on a good path. It shows that you have a good sense of inner happiness.
Remember, the purpose of having a spouse is having an equal partner – someone that looks out for you, is committed to you, supports you, helps you grow and puts consistent effort into ensuring your happiness. And it works both ways. When you are married, you have the responsibility to do those same things for your spouse too. That is a true team and both people in the team must work for the happiness of both.
When there is uncertainty, look closer at “why”
If you find yourself questioning little things your spouse says and does, or you are hiding your own feelings, there’s no doubt that your relationship will face troubling times ahead. Even slight feelings of uncertainty and insecurity are an indication that there is a trust issue.
If you find yourself trying to get peeks at your partner’s phone, checking his or her emails or secretly trying to uncover details, it’s time to look closer at “why” you’re doing this. You need to address the core reason of what makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t brush it off. You will only be hurting yourself and causing unnecessary emotional turmoil if you brush it under the carpet. Now is the time to resolve things, before you are married. Remember, your happiness is important.
Many things affect people’s feelings. In this case, there are a lot of possibilities of where your feelings may come from. Maybe a past relationship left scars of distrust that followed you into your future relationships. Maybe your current partner was dishonest and you’re still not sure why. Maybe you feel unsatisfied with yourself in some way. Maybe your parents had a distrusting relationship and that was passed on to you without realizing it. People are complex. People’s feelings are very complex.
Marriage relationship counseling can be very rewarding
If you have ongoing feelings of uncertainty, it’s a good idea to seek Christian Marriage Counseling. Discussing these matters will help remove the stress and weight from your shoulders. Sometimes even just one session can be very helpful. A counseling session will help clarify things to you and give you a methodical approach to understanding your feelings and creating a path forward towards happiness.
If you cannot discuss these feelings with your partner, consider a personal one-on-one session. If you’ve discussed these things with your partner and struggle to overcome these feelings, consider a session together with your partner. There are many options. The important thing is that you take action.
Trusting your partner is vital when going into the marriage. If you think you can have a successful marriage with unresolved trust issues, you will surely discover the truth when it’s too late. Unresolved trust issues do not go away. In fact, they grow and often lead to anxiety, anxiousness, paranoia and internal feelings of emotional torment. Preventing these feelings from compounding is important.
Resolve all trust issues before the ceremony
The time to address trust issues is prior to the wedding ceremony, not after. Getting married and merging your lives is complicated enough, never-mind if there are complications of distrust. The first three years of marriage can be rough just trying to combine your lives into one. With an unresolved trust issue it will only make it more difficult for you to combined your lives and be happy together.
When choosing to marry, I recommend resolving all trust issues prior to accepting a marriage proposal. Please don’t think that things will magically change after the ceremony. Things don’t change without work. Marriage takes even more work after the ceremony because both of your lives are now completely integrated together.
Thank you for joining me. I hope this was helpful. If you have any requests of topics that you’d like for me to discuss in upcoming articles, I’ll be happy to share my professional advice in my next article.