Thank you for joining me for this months blog. The blog is about the four relationship hurdles to avoid at all costs. These relationship hurdles can often lead to conflict and tension in a marriage. If you do not currently have a good method in place to resolve conflict, that can lead to major issues down the road. So this is a warning in advance, along with the suggestion that both of you, husband and wife, sit down together to discuss some of the better ways to handle conflict. Having a plan in place will make both of your lives easier.
The four relationship hurdles are:
- Blame – It’s true blame can keep a relationship stuck. Constantly bringing things up from the past, can sometimes be used as a weapon. When someone is hurt, they will often recall the past again and again, and that can create further issues. Instead of continuously using the past as a weapon, it’s better to resolve the things of the the past, then agree that they are resolved, and then allow those things to stay in the past. Then, both must agree to stop mentioning the past during current disagreements. Blaming someone for something that happened years ago is just going to make them resent you if they don’t already. Remember what Gods word says: If we want to be forgiven, we have to forgive others. But don’t forget, forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. After forgiving the other person, both must work to reconcile issues and rebuild trust.
- Sarcasm – While sarcasm is sometimes tolerable, it is also a hurdle that can devastate a marriage. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who keeps making silly sarcastic remarks? At first it starts out funny but then when you realize that this isn’t funny anymore things can get sticky. A far and simple comment to make is: “Can we please be serious for the next few minutes so we can discuss some serious matters?” But if that doesn’t work “holding back the laughter” just may help them to realize that there is a time and place for everything. Sarcasm is hurtful and unhelpful in serious discussions.
- Defensiveness – Being defensive sometimes happens when a relationship is struggling. Years of feeling attacks from your partner can make you feel that you want to deflect the focus back to them, or attack them in return for the discomfort that you feel. Nobody wants to feel attacked. Nobody wants to feel hurt. Mutual pain can lead to two sided defensiveness. This is where simple apologies help a lot. Simply saying “I’m sorry for the pain and frustration my actions have caused to you” can really help. This is a time to realize you are on the same team. There are no winners when both sides cannot offer an apology from a place of love. Often times defensiveness can put you in a state of turmoil until you resolve the “why” behind the feelings of defensiveness. It may take some time but it can be overcome through prayer and by being sensitive to one another’s needs as well as by being tender-hearted and compassionate to the person you love.
- Digs – When I say digs I mean hurtful comments that are throw around carelessly to hurt or destroy the person you vowed to love till death do you part. Hurtful comments, especially comments about specific things that are sensitive to the other person, are dangerous and downright cruel. Saying these things are often unfair attacks, meant to cause further damage and pain. In fact, serious digs can be a form of emotional abuse. It’s important to be able to recognize when your partner is offering constructive criticism and an honest opinion of something, versus saying destructive things to cause pain and frustration. Honesty from your partner should be appreciated. Digs should not be appreciated. There is a delicate line, and instrospection is important to knowing where that line is.
My advice to those that are utilizing these four forms of attacks, is to remove them from all areas of your life. Take the time to look at yourself in order to remove these things one step at a time. It will probably be difficult for you, because growth and self improvement is challenging. However, it will transform your life. You can slowly remove these toxic behaviors from your life by learning to improve your communication about your feelings. Also, knowing the power of a simple apology is an incredible strength that will help you. Sometimes people view apologizing as a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s the opposite. It takes a lot of courage and strength to apologize.
Thank you again for joining me. I invite you to join me for my next blog. Until next time, God Bless You and remember to keep God in your heart!