Conflict management is a very important part of any relationship. The conflict that you as a couple are working through should be done in a way that helps to resolve the issue at hand safely and deliberately. Sometimes conflict can cause unwanted emotions to creep up on people when they least expect it. This can make it difficult to discuss the issue at hand at that time. So, I remind couples that when they need to discuss a serious matter about their relationship there are things to keep in mind prior to the conversation happening. I suggest couples discuss a safe place and time for the discussion to happen. I also recommend that it is done privately, if you feel safe to do so, so it is comfortable for both parties to openly discuss the issue. The other matter to be aware of is whether the other person is responding or reacting, because these are two very different things.
Getting a reaction is something that happens usually based on emotions. It happens quickly and without much thought as to how the other person is going to feel about it. It is viewed by some as a negative approach and is often thought of as being irrational.
When you give a response on the other hand it is viewed completely the opposite. Responses take time to reveal and answer. It is thought through with care and consideration for the other person. A response is the desired outcome when having a conversation between two people.
Remember if a reaction does happen, I recommend shutting down the conversation and addressing it at another time. A reaction can show that the other party is not ready for the conversation to take place.