When I refer to emotional connection in this article, I’m discussing the personal connection that’s established with someone of the opposite sex outside of the marriage. During challenging times in your marriage, you may feel the desire to connect with others in order to vent your feelings and frustrations. Or perhaps you make a connection in order to keep your mind off of your marriage. However, there are significant dangers associated with having connections with those outside of your marriage.
While all this is happening, a bond is being created with this other person. It’s unlikely that you’re even aware of the bond that is forming. This bond is something that can be detrimental to your marriage relationship. The person that you should be speaking with about your frustrations is your own husband or wife.
Emotional connections are real. People that don’t believe that it’s possible to have an emotional tie with someone of the opposite sex are wrong. It’s possible. In fact, it’s highly likely. And it happens so easily that it may surprise you once you realize you are in over your head. This is something I warn couples about when they come into my office for counseling.
Emotional Connections Are Often An Escape From Your Problems
The reason that emotional connections occur with people outside of marriage is simply because there is little, if any, communication or connection at home with your spouse. While you’re both not resolving your issues together, you or your spouse may inadvertently search for some form of emotional relief beyond the marriage. However, this shows the importance of re-establishing your communication with your spouse. You must protect your marriage, even during the challenging times. That is why it is so important for couples to seek counseling if they are having difficulty working through problems themselves.
Relationships that are experiencing a difficult time are the ones that are very susceptible to a foreign emotional connection occurring. Why is that? Well, here’s one reason: If you are experiencing a difficult time as a couple then chances are you probably aren’t offering each other affection, support and intimacy. These things are vital to happiness. When we are struggling in our marriages, we don’t receive the happiness that we need. Often, the first thing that goes away is the physical contact. Sadly, if we don’t correct that problem quickly it can lead to bitterness, resentment and then eventually temptations.
If There Is a Problem, It’s Both Of Your Problem
You are a team. If a team encounters a problem, they must resolve it together. All of the burden cannot be placed on one person. Even if one person in the marriage is guilty of a specific offense in the relationship, then both people must work together to overcome it. Communication, patience and listening are very valuable when offering emotional support to your partner. Sometimes listening is all that’s possible to offer support to an overburdened spouse. It’s important to focus on the words of your partner and truly hear them, beyond the words they’re saying.
Marriages can be very challenging because people handle their problems differently. Every relationship is different. You know your spouse better than anyone, therefore you have the best understanding of how to work together with him or her. You know the cues. You know what certain words or body languages mean. Listen to these things and work patiently together to resolve frustrations.
Avoid External Temptations
Temptations are always present in the world. They present themselves in different places. Work, fitness centers, coffee shops and other places in the community. Temptations are why it is so important to try to overcome your difficult times as quickly as you possibly can. Protection your marriage from temptation is the equal responsibility of husband and wife.
Your focus should be re-establishing communication. That way you can at least work towards a place where you are on mutual ground. The kind of mutual ground that I’m speaking of is where you can move forward within your relationship to have feelings of appreciation, forgiveness and whatever else is necessary for the specific needs of your relationship. Relationships need different things in different moments.
It’s important to remember that both of you have love and that you both want things to improve. By recognizing this, it will open up your ability to show love to one another, which will help you to reconnect and reestablish your love connection.
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Thank you for your time.